Today I want to explain, why I think that you should stop asking your friends or family for their opinion on your pictures when it comes to Online Dating.
You’re probably thinking:
“Why would I want a stranger’s opinion? What do I care what some random person thinks of me?”
“People I don’t know are going to be totally wrong about me. My friends know me. So why should I listen to anybody else?”
I know it sounds great on paper to get opinions from people you care about and love.
This might be shocking, but it’s hurting your results and the opinions you get aren’t worth much.
Now, let me explain why that is the case.
Everyone that knows you personally and cares about you is positively biased.
So if you ask friends or family for opinions, they won’t say negative things about your pictures because you matter to them.
They don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that a picture is bad or completely sucks.
That applies to both, male and female friends, but is only one of the reasons.
𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 – 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 & 𝗠𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀
Imagine you’re showing your best buddy your profile, upon seeing it he’s absolutely amazed by it.
He sees a selfie of you where you look extremely attractive and compliments it:
„Maaan, I wish I could take such attractive selfies, mine always end up looking like shit.“
Next up is one of you wearing sunglasses looking away all cool and badass and he goes:
„You look like a real boss, dig that pic!“
Another picture shows a mirror selfie of you flexing with your ripped muscular body.
He’s complimenting your physique:
„Damn, nice guns brah, girls are gonna be all over you.“.
Then he sees the last, that you both took together in a club and goes:
„Bro, I remember that night it was absolutely lit and we met those cute girls, amazing picture!“
He’s going to remember the emotional connection and memories bound to it and that will influence his opinion.
After showing your profile to your friend you think that it’s a killer profile:
„If my friend thinks my profile is amazing and badass, women on Online Dating apps will too, I’ll absolutely crush it!“
I mean, your friend loves it and who knows you better than your friend right?
𝗡𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 – 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗢𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴
Now let’s look at it from a woman’s perspective who doesn’t know anything about you:
She sees the selfie and immediately thinks that it’s unattractive regardless of how you look on it, because it subcommunicates two things:
1. Nobody takes photos of me, except for myself. I guess I’m not that interesting to be around.
2. I am constantly looking at myself and I take photos of myself, because I’m just very into myself.
She looks at the next one and sees the mirror selfie of you flexing.
It turns her off and she’s gonna think that you’re tryhard, self absorbed and have nothing else to offer than your body.
Then the picture of you with sunglasses appears and gives her the impression that you’re trying to be „Mister too cool for school“.
She also can’t see your eyes, which are very important.
Now she’s taking a look at the last one, the party picture.
She thinks it’s cringe and unattractive, because you both look drunk and it seems like all you’re doing is partying.
What I described here is already a positive scenario.
Most of the times, women won’t even look at the rest of your pictures, if the first one isn’t an absolutely amazing money shot already.
𝗠𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 = 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸
Now all this is due to the fact that strangers don’t have the background information about you, that people you know do.
Your friends are familiar with your world and already have a fully-formed impression of who you are.
When they see your online dating profile, they can’t help but view it through a lens of what they already know about you.
They’re not going to have the same questions, suspicions, or curiosities that women on Online Dating apps will.
While you may think you’re portraying a fun and outgoing vibe with a party pic, in reality women are going to assume that you look “drunk” or “crazy”.
Your online dating profile is meant to be appealing to people you don’t already know.
And your friends can’t see them the way that women on Online Dating apps do.
Doesn’t matter if they’re men or women.
The only difference is, that they’ll probably find different pictures attractive.
But none of those will reflect the best version of yourself to women that don’t know you.
𝗧𝘄𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗶𝗻 – 𝗖𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀
Let’s take a final example, two celebrities like Barack Obama and Chadwick Boseman.
Seeing the left picture of Chadwick Boseman, you wouldn’t assume that he’s an amazing Marvel’s Superhero of Wakanda. #teammarvel #wakandaforever
But having watched the movie Black Panther, you immediately know that he’s a Superhero, which makes him a lot more attractive and badass.
If you haven’t watched that movie yet, go watch it now!
I’m serious, It’s the best Marvel’s movie ever created and has such an amazing atmosphere.
Anyway, back to the topic and our second example.
Seeing the left picture of Barack Obama, you wouldn’t assume that he’s a smart, successful man.
But knowing everything you know about his life and him having been the president of America, you immediately assume that he’s smart and successful regardless of his looks.
Both of those examples show us, that If you’re not famous you need to go an extra mile to convey things like high status, attractiveness, masculinity and intelligence.
I hope I could help you to understand the biggest reason why you’re probably not having success in Online Dating.
Of course it also depends on other factors, but selecting the perfect pictures is a crucial step and I can’t stress this enough.
90% of your profile are pictures
10% is the bio you write
Yes, pictures are that important.