Have you ever caught yourself saying things like “I only date 10s” or “She must look like a model”?
While having standards in dating is crucial, there’s a fundamental difference between authentic standards and superficial requirements.
One that might be keeping you from the connections you actually want.
The Reality Check: Why Your Standards Might Be Holding You Back
Let’s be honest:
If you’re still using Snapchat filters but can’t maintain eye contact with a barista, your “high standards” might be masking something deeper.
What most men perceive as high standards often turns out to be fear disguised as selectiveness.
Consider these two recent cases from my coaching practice:
The first client came with a detailed checklist:
“She must be a 10/10, workout five times per week, have a great career, but also have time to cook and support my purpose.”
Result? Still single, bitter, and blaming dating apps for his lack of success.
The second client approached dating differently:
“I just want to feel something real.”
Today? He’s dating someone who lights him up and genuinely makes him happy.
The difference isn’t in their options, it’s in their approach.
Understanding What Quality Women Actually Think
When you list strict “requirements” in your dating profile, you’re communicating more than you realize.
Here’s what actually goes through a quality woman’s mind when reading these common demands:
When you write: “Must be fit”
She reads: “He’s insecure about his own body”
When you write: “No drama”
She reads: “He creates drama”
When you write: “High value females only”
She reads: “He’s trying too hard to prove something”
When you write: “Must have her life together”
She reads: “He’s looking for a mom”
What genuinely attracts quality women isn’t a list of requirements – it’s authentic presence.
They’re drawn to men who:
âś… Show genuine curiosity about who they are
âś… Can hold real conversations beyond surface-level small talk
âś… Are secure enough to be authentic
âś… Don’t feel the need to constantly prove themselves
Real Standards vs. Fake Standards: Understanding the Difference
Let’s break this down with concrete examples:
Fake Standards That Backfire
“She must have 10k+ followers”
Result: You end up with someone who cares more about Instagram than intimacy.
“She needs to look perfect in photos”
Result: You get someone who’s more focused on angles than authentic moments.
“Must maintain a perfect body”
Result: You attract someone as insecure about their looks as you are.
What Real Standards Look Like
“She makes me feel calm and excited at the same time”
“We can talk for hours about nothing and everything”
“I can be myself without performing”
“The connection feels effortless”
The difference is clear: One attracts profiles, the other attracts people.
The Hidden Truth About Standards
When you drop the superficial checklist, something interesting happens.
You start noticing things that actually matter:
• How she treats the waiter, not how she looks in photos
• The way she listens, not her follower count
• Her genuine laugh, not her staged smile
• Real chemistry, not social proof
Here’s the ultimate irony:
The more requirements you have for her looks, the lower your standards actually are for:
❌ How she treats you
❌ The depth of connection
❌ The quality of your time together
❌ The authenticity of your relationship
The Real Cost of Superficial Standards
Here’s what I see every day in my coaching practice:
The guys with the strictest physical standards are usually:
❌ The most insecure about their own looks
❌ The least experienced with real connection
❌ The most likely to get played
❌ The ones who end up the most bitter
While guys who focus on real connection? They’re usually the ones dating the most attractive women.
Not because they aimed for it.
But because they weren’t trying so damn hard.
What Actually Works: Real-World Examples
Let me share some concrete examples of what to look for instead of your checklist:
The Foundation of Real Connection
Does she:
• Make you feel like you can drop the act?
• Challenge you in ways that make you better?
• Show genuine interest in your world?
• Match your energy without copying it?
These aren’t just random qualities.
They’re the foundation of something real.
A Tale of Transformation
Let me share two recent examples from my coaching practice:
First Case:
Guy matched with a girl who didn’t fit his usual “type”.
Instead of his checklist, he focused on the vibe.
Result? Best date he’s had in years.
Why? Because he actually showed up for the connection, not the criteria.
Second Case:
Guy comes to me obsessed with finding a “feminine, submissive woman” (Yes, he actually wrote that in his bio).
After dropping the superficial checklist?
He’s dating a successful lawyer who:
âś… Makes him laugh until it hurts
âś… Pushes him to grow
âś… Supports his dreams
âś… Actually likes him for him
Plot twist: She’s also gorgeous.
But that’s not why they connect.
The Choice Is Yours: Moving Beyond Superficial Standards
This approach isn’t for everyone.
If you want to keep collecting requirements and watching copy-paste dating tutorials, that’s your choice.
But remember:
While you’re updating your checklist of requirements, some guy with real standards is connecting with your dream girl.
Not because he’s better than you.
But because he’s not hiding behind fake standards.
Key Takeaways
âś… Real standards focus on connection, not criteria
âś… Authentic attraction happens when you drop the checklist
âś… Quality women are attracted to genuine presence
âś… True confidence comes from being real, not perfect
Ready to Transform Your Dating Standards?
If you’re tired of superficial connections and ready to experience real attraction, it might be time to reassess your standards.
The question isn’t whether you have high standards, it’s whether your standards are actually serving you.
Remember: Your standards don’t just filter others.
They define who you become in the process.