Why Online Dating as a minority is hard mode (Despite what white Online Dating Coaches will tell you) ⚒️
Let’s talk about something that most online dating coaches won’t admit…
Here is what I’m referring to:
Online Dating is actually way harder for non White guys who want to attract White women.
Also, the fact that the top 20% of men are getting 80% of the women…
And the bottom 80% of men compete for the bottom 20% of women, doesn’t make things easier.
But, it goes even deeper than we think.
Among us minorities in the western world, there is a 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘦 difference in how attractive we’re being perceived by White women.
Especially when it comes to Black and Asian men.
Having gotten this out of the way…
Latinos are in a good position and White guys are obviously heavily favored.
Many of the conducted data studies including that of OkCupid, a very popular dating platform, show that unfortunately this is true
Most White women would rather date a Black, Latino or White man over an Asian one.
45% of women that were asked, even admitted that they would strongly prefer to date a man from their own race.
In fact, almost all women preferred men of their own race, but they otherwise penalized both Asian and Black men.
To give you a few numbers of said study from 2009, this is how White women rated different ethnicities in terms of attractiveness based on “preference vs. the average”:
Think of them as how women weigh race in deciding attraction.
So for example, in 2009 White women thought that White men were 17% more attractive than the average guy.
Of course these numbers are from 2009, however all of them decreased for minorities and improved for White men over the years.
This is how they looked in 2014:
Having worked with a ton of minority students over the years as well as looking at the trends from 2009-2014…
I can easily assume that now in 2022 the numbers are something similar to this, because 8 years have already passed:
But even if the trend didn’t decrease for Asians, it still puts them at a serious disadvantage together with the Black guys.
Now from my own experience as part of a minority in a predominantly White country, those studies and numbers show that in order to get the same results or similar ones as a White guy, you have two options:
Option 1 – Swallow the black pill, use it as an excuse, see yourself as a victim and stay forever alone.
Option 2 – Reject any pills, put in 3 times as much work as a White guy would have to and get great results within the subset of women that absolutely loves your race.
I think you’ll agree with me, that option 1 would be insanely stupid.
Look, here’s the thing…
99% of men on Online Dating apps heavily shoot themselves in the foot
They do this by having bad pictures or a horrible bio and making crucial mistakes during texting.
I would even go so far as to say that every male profile has at least one picture that’s a red flag and lowers their perceived attractiveness in the eyes of women.
Because in case you weren’t already aware…
Women first judge you based on your worst picture.
But don’t worry if you’re making this mistake yourself.
It’s not your fault, we men are just extremely bad at choosing our own best pictures.
This is mainly because we use different areas of our brain when we look at our own pictures than when we look at someone else’s
However, insecurities play into that as well.
Let’s pretend for a second that you thought you had a big nose that you were insecure about…
Now you’ve got an amazing portrait picture and you wouldn’t use it for your Online dating profile, because you think your big nose stands out too much there.
But women who have no idea of your insecurity could have found that picture extremely attractive and hot
Yet you didn’t use it, because it’s impossible to be objective with yourself.
This is the main reason why most men sabotage themselves when it comes to Online Dating.
Another reason is that many men always want to come across as “Alpha“, “cool“ and “invulnerable“, but that’s a topic for a future article.
Also, It doesn’t really matter if you have 4 amazing pictures in your profile.
If the 5th one is less amazing, that’s how women will perceive you.
They’ll simply assume that the rest were just your lucky shots and the 5th is what you actually look like.
It’s literally as if you tried to play soccer with an invisible 20kg chain tied to your leg.
You can’t see it, but of course it still handicaps and slows you down
However, now let’s imagine that instead you just avoided the mistakes most men make and did all the right things instead…
Like getting your mindset on point, building an amazing profile, learning how to text and behave on dates…
You could easily be perceived as attractive as a good looking White guy or even rise above him.
I won’t lie to you, it definitely requires more work.
However, it is possible and that’s the key here
Nothing in life is worth having or doing unless it means effort, pain or difficulty…
It personally took me 6 years of trial and error to start getting great results in Online Dating.
That was only because I didn’t have anyone who could teach it to me, otherwise I would’ve gotten there much faster.
The sad thing is, this doesn’t just apply to Online Dating as you’ve probably already noticed in your own life.
There are many situations that might not be explicitly romantic, but are nonetheless a lot like a first date.
A job interview, trying to rent an apartment, when you meet your freshman roommates.
Anytime you’re trying to make an impression on a stranger…
Science has long known that bonuses accrue to beautiful people:
They have better outcomes at work or school, more success with juries, even live longer lives, and so on.
In short, “beautiful people” receive a lot of the same built-in benefits in our society that white people do.
I think that’s no coincidence, as White people are literally in power in the western world.
Also, Beauty is a cultural idea as much as a physical one, and the standard is of course set by the dominant western culture which is White.
To finish off, with everything that I mentioned I certainly don’t want to imply that White women are racist.
This bias is based on evolutionary reasons, personal taste, upbringing and the media.
Almost everyone has a “type”, one way or another.
However, I really hope what I explained previously about Online Dating gives all of you who belong to a minority hope.
Like me, you’re not doomed to stay forever alone, just because you weren’t born White in a western country.
It’s always within your control how you present yourself, how you come across in Online Dating and how you text women.
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