Before I dive in, I want to say first…
- I believe vulnerability and honest expression are extremely powerful.
- I believe in owning your shit and being upfront with your intentions.
- I believe in being emotionally congruent.
However, “Just be yourself“ is an incredibly limiting mantra to live by.
And it’s actually what’s f*cking so many of you up, whether you’re conscious of it or not.
Here’s why…
I’ll often tell my students things like be more direct, more sexual.
I’ll tell them to portray themselves in a certain, very attractive way on photos (without pretending to be someone they’re not)
I’ll teach them certain concepts regarding texting.
I’ll tell them to wear clothes that would objectively make them look more attractive.
But there’s resistance.
Why?
Because…
- “It’s just not me, man”
- “I’m chill I’m not one of those guys”
- “I’m not like that”
- “I’m not dominant“
- “I don’t get that sexual on dates“
- “It’s not congruent bro”
I’m not kidding, these are all direct statements I have encountered while coaching.
And what do they all have in common?
They are all complete and utter bullshit.
These are not facts; these are not objective, metaphysical truths. They are limiting, debilitating stories you have repeatedly told yourself over and over.
These stories are “cockblocking“ you more than a whole club full of hot girls, overweight friends.
The story you have of who you are or “yourself” it’s quite simply just your self-image.
It’s entirely made up and can be rewritten. Not too mention there is no one “self” (look up the split-brain phenomena if you want proof on this)
There’s nothing noble about holding onto and acting in accordance with these miserable self-defeating pity wank ridden fairytales.
So how does the self f*ckery begin?
Well, think of it this way when you’re kid, you’re a full being with limitless potential, you’re a blank slate.
You didn’t have a self-image when you popped out of your mum. You didn’t turn around and say, “Mum, I’m a weak little bitch that can’t go after what I want”
So when do all these stories get formed? As your parents socialize you and as you’re integrated into society, school, and so on.
You exhibit certain behaviours and expressions that get shown love and acceptance, and others you get shunned and rejected for.
Because when we grow up, we’re weak little creatures one glass of red cordial away from an accidental suicide on a McDonald’s playground.
We take these judgments of our expression very seriously, which molds our self-image
Think of the nice guy supplicating types that got friend-zoned over and over again throughout school…
when they were nice and super agreeable with people, they were accepted, even if they had to do all your assignments for you and lick your arse to get it.
On the contrary, what would happen if they tried to assert boundaries against their school’s jocks or show direct intent towards the prettiest girl in their grade?
Well, chances are unless they were in some super liberal rainbow and unicorn loving school from the year 2050 that had no social hierarchies, and everyone was enlightened, it most likely wouldn’t go well for them.
And so the noble story of “yourself” begins.
Now the better question is…
Where and when the f*ck does it end?
Here’s an idea: How about now
Start becoming aware of every bullshit limiting story you tell yourself.
Let go of the underlying emotions and start focusing on what you have the potential to be.
The truth is you have the potential to be attractive to women and enjoy a fulfilling dating life.
- No matter what you look like.
- No matter what past you have.
- No matter what you’ve been told.
- No matter how you’ve been raised.
- No matter how you’ve been socialized.
In my coachings I don’t just provide guys with everything they need to know about fashion, creating an amazing profile and how to text to get consistent dates…
I also go in depth about the mindset (which is just as important as the rest if not more), what to do on the date, after the date, and even intimacy.
I will never tolerate a word that defys the truth that everyone has the potential to be attractive to women or have a fulfilling dating life and I will always remind them of it.
Wake up and realize your potential.
Cheers,
Sandric